Investment Bowl

My investing began in 1985. I filled my investment bowl with stocks, oil options, metals like silver and palladium, and other risky securities. I used margin to make sure the bowl was filled to the brim. Then the crash of 1987 emptied about 95% of the bowl, mainly because of the margin calls and two companies filing bankruptcy that were charging 40% commission to buy commodities. My emotional life followed the level of the bowl which fluctuated at will. At this time I had a family, a working mini-ranch with 22 head of Charolais cattle, and a career commuting daily an average of close to 4 hours round trip from home.

I look at that time as one of the busiest and most stressful without relief. I kept this pace for close to 20 years. That investing bowl was mixed with invisible ingredients too which started to come to the surface. At that time my focus was 100% asset accumulation. The bowl was emptied several times, because I did not give up without a fight, to teach me that there is more to life than only the material. Acting in this way made my life much harder, extending the suffering, and I finally realized my self-destructive behavior. I put the bowl in the cupboard and stayed away from this material side of life for about 10 years. But I carried that mixture in the bowl with me as I started the path of reaching the other side to self-nurturing.

As I approach my 62nd year, I believe we each have a soul plan that we determined before arriving here. We can look at our challenges, like the one I just described and know that we are meant to learn to overcome them. It may take a lifetime to achieve as this one is for me. Another ingredient that came out of this section of my life is the understanding that I was raised to have an aversion to being touched; the exception being my children and animals. That painful part of myself, along with others, was one of my inner motivations to ensure there was not a free moment to just relax and be. I was a doer to the max. Once I realized that, then I knew my soul plan included reaching the other side where I could welcome touch. This appears to be another lifelong lesson for me.

The losses experienced from the investment bowl metaphor can be very helpful in uncovering the disowned parts of the self. Age of discovery does not matter. The important thing is to reveal it to the self. For those who use investing to make money, consider looking behind the gains and losses to see that part of yourself that contributed to it. I still use the investment bowl literally and symbolically to illuminate my life. The level in it varies, but my emotions are more objective and it is clear when there is self-judgment so that it can be minimized as part of self-nurturing. As this energy grow, it provides support in moving toward being touched. I have learned that the best part of investing, whether there are gains or losses, is checking within myself to see if there is something that needs attention to make life better and more meaningful. :)

Change

Change is everywhere and more noticeable when it is not judged as good or bad. The establishment is showing its resistance as the final elections completed yesterday. What is reassuring is that the resistant energy is not strong enough to stop the change that is necessary, especially in our government. Ignorance, inexperience, and ineptness cannot stop it. Collectively, I think we have caught on that this country is in the hands of all of us; the individual, the average citizen. The incumbent of each party needs to go.

I enjoy looking at the details, at the root level to estimate how much longer this country and the world will continue to contend with more than a recession. That is why I focus on foreclosures and watch to see what is being done with Fannie and Freddie; two companies run by the government now that is a trough for most of the mortgages, and that have unlimited funding provided by the taxpayer. They are so big that there is concern that any change with how they are doing business would cause a major negative impact to the housing industry. What I see is no change in their direction and this feeds on itself. When homeowners are under water, they stop spending and begin looking at walking away. When they are behind in mortgage payments, they stop spending on other things, that which this country counts on to have a healthy economy. This kind of uncertainty leads to saving verses spending. Without strong leadership in this arena, I see the economy staying the course like it is for another two years. And I see banks having to go through another round of solvency review as the mortgages continue on the same path.

Is there any part of your life that is continuing on a path that you would like to alter, yet have chosen not to yet? Take a look at the health of the roots of your life and see if there is a step to take outside the normal groove. Individual change contributes to collective change that is reflected in our government and the world's too. Today, we have a birds eye view of the outer world and it points to the roots in each of us.

Bank Bailout List

A while ago, I mentioned that the court was to decide whether Mr. Bernanke had to make the list of 20 banks that would have failed if not rescued available to the public. Last week a court said this list must be made public. I wait to see this list, but also know that it is not in his best interest nor these banks to do so. I wonder if he will appeal the decision.

After this event, Mr. Bernanke said he felt, "sad...." that Lehman Brothers failed, but said he couldn't do anything. I do not understand what made that company different from the too big to fail group, given the market havoc its bankruptcy created.

Once this list is available, we are going to find out the magnitude of the lack of 'objectivity' with the feds in how they chose which institutions to rescue. Transparency here will show where changes are needed. I expect more market upheaval with this knowledge.

We can use this situation to apply to our personal lives too to see where transparency is needed. We have places within that are subjective and need to be exposed for our health and well-being. Wherever resistance is felt, the truth waits to be revealed. We need to either develop or access our own inner justice system. This will automatically contribute to changing our outer system where our courts are acting on our behalf. Again, as I said in the last blog, each of us is important to creating change where needed in our government, schools and so on. We can take the lead by consciously changing ourselves and then deciding what contribution we want to make to help pave the way to implement the changes.