Investment Bowl

My investing began in 1985. I filled my investment bowl with stocks, oil options, metals like silver and palladium, and other risky securities. I used margin to make sure the bowl was filled to the brim. Then the crash of 1987 emptied about 95% of the bowl, mainly because of the margin calls and two companies filing bankruptcy that were charging 40% commission to buy commodities. My emotional life followed the level of the bowl which fluctuated at will. At this time I had a family, a working mini-ranch with 22 head of Charolais cattle, and a career commuting daily an average of close to 4 hours round trip from home.

I look at that time as one of the busiest and most stressful without relief. I kept this pace for close to 20 years. That investing bowl was mixed with invisible ingredients too which started to come to the surface. At that time my focus was 100% asset accumulation. The bowl was emptied several times, because I did not give up without a fight, to teach me that there is more to life than only the material. Acting in this way made my life much harder, extending the suffering, and I finally realized my self-destructive behavior. I put the bowl in the cupboard and stayed away from this material side of life for about 10 years. But I carried that mixture in the bowl with me as I started the path of reaching the other side to self-nurturing.

As I approach my 62nd year, I believe we each have a soul plan that we determined before arriving here. We can look at our challenges, like the one I just described and know that we are meant to learn to overcome them. It may take a lifetime to achieve as this one is for me. Another ingredient that came out of this section of my life is the understanding that I was raised to have an aversion to being touched; the exception being my children and animals. That painful part of myself, along with others, was one of my inner motivations to ensure there was not a free moment to just relax and be. I was a doer to the max. Once I realized that, then I knew my soul plan included reaching the other side where I could welcome touch. This appears to be another lifelong lesson for me.

The losses experienced from the investment bowl metaphor can be very helpful in uncovering the disowned parts of the self. Age of discovery does not matter. The important thing is to reveal it to the self. For those who use investing to make money, consider looking behind the gains and losses to see that part of yourself that contributed to it. I still use the investment bowl literally and symbolically to illuminate my life. The level in it varies, but my emotions are more objective and it is clear when there is self-judgment so that it can be minimized as part of self-nurturing. As this energy grow, it provides support in moving toward being touched. I have learned that the best part of investing, whether there are gains or losses, is checking within myself to see if there is something that needs attention to make life better and more meaningful. :)