The Human Hell

For those who do not know my past, my father shot himself in the chest 4 years ago. Yesterday, his younger brother called me for the second time. I have been calling him regularly for the past 6 months because his heart troubles and frequent hospital visits have put him on the edge of dying daily.  In this recent exchange, my uncle told me that I was 'the apple of dad's eye' during my career phase of life. This was a shock for me given my lifelong view of dad thinking, feeling, and acting the opposite with me. Dad never showed me any energy in the direction that my uncle's words indicated.  This input took me into a thick darkness and I have been there for the last 24 hours. Here I see that the 'hell' we experience on earth only exists within each of us, amongst the demons - the disowned aspects of the self - that we create in this lifetime and those who came along for the ride from previous incarnations. In this place lies All That Is, our soul, our potential creativity, and everything else that we, as humans, have the ability to imagine and feel. It can be our friend, but most of us do our best to avoid it, only seeing it as the enemy.

Now I understand the meaning of what Kahlil Gibran meant when he said that 'solitude and melancholy precede all spiritual exaltation.'

As this intense energy of self-judgment, created from dad's judgment of me, eases and feelings of relief start to penetrate this dark space, I decided to share this with you. May the suffering times in your life bring enlightenment to permanently change the way it is created.